I started mindfulness meditation in 2008, sitting cross-legged to watch the arising and passing of my thoughts. It was a lie. The truth was, I didn’t want my thoughts to pass. I had so much to prove to the world. I wanted to get a worldwide book deal. I wanted to become a CEO. I wanted to backpack around the world. For months, I struggled until I read more and switched to a concentration based meditation approach. Immediately, something clicked. I’d meditate for only 30 minutes but would feel the effects for the rest of the day. I wasn’t checking Facebook and Quora in the middle of work, I didn’t get up every five minutes to get coffee, I was sharper, more productive, in everything. Now many years later, my meditation practice has changed again to mindfulness meditation. And that’s how meditation works. Don’t get sucked into writing in gratitude journals and burning incense sticks and repeating “I’m complete”/”I love myself” affirmations if you aren’t there yet. Change how you meditate based on where you are in life as below:
How to meditate based on your life stage
I find the most complete definition of life in The Yoga Sutras: first, evolution, then involution. Like an eagle, first you flap your wings high, as high as you can flap them, then you bring them down gracefully. How do you know which phase you’re in?
Evolution (growth): You’re thirsty for experiencing the world to the fullest: travel, advancement, success, family, starting your own company, meeting new people, getting new perspectives etc.
Involution (silence): The world starts to lose its pull. Something always seems missing even in moments of great achievement. You crave a deeper, more permanent reality, but not in a static depressive way, more as an active quest.
In 2008, I wanted to be the CEO of Procter & Gamble. Now, I want to no external marker of success at all, just dissolve myself in my work everyday, so I have no sense of self left.
Then, I took a sabbatical and back-packed across South America and Central Asia, hungry to see every notable place in every country. Now when Kerry and I travel, you’ll have to pay us to see a museum or a cathedral. We spent most of 2013 in forest ashrams and silent meditation retreats.
Then, I was an extrovert. Now, I don’t have much to say, and often talk more about life with Leela, our 20 month old daughter and Coconut, our pup, than with real people.
You change and your meditation practice should reflect where you are.
Concentration-based meditation approaches (mantra, image, breath) are excellent for the evolution or growth phases of life. You learn focus, concentration, single-mindedness, everything you need to achieve your goals in this world with excellence.
Insight meditation approaches (vipassana, mindfulness) work for the involution phase as they help you observe how transient your obsessive worldly thought patterns are and break free from them.
Defining types: the pyramid of meditative experience
In every ashram or meditation retreat, you meet people who’re in neither evolution nor involution stage. They’re stuck. They don’t like their jobs, the credit card bills are piling, their parents didn’t love them, their fiancée doesn’t understand them, their pet parrot died. Learning meditation is a noble idea but know this:
Meditation will not help with personal drama.
The foundation of meditation is morality or love. Without a basic level of love for yourself (and a result, others), you’ll never shift focus away from yourself, the basic requisite of meditation. Over time, your meditation practice should evolve like this:
Of course, it’s never as simplistic as this. Each stage has stages within it and you keep going up and down the ladder but a quick, broad definition as below:
Morality
Morality is basic self-love and love for others so you’re approaching meditation from a position of some mental stability. You can learn morality by leveraging the abundant self-help industry resources–“love yourself”, “practice gratitude”, “follow your dreams,” kind of stuff or skip it entirely if you don’t have any personal drama that needs resolution.
Concentration Based Meditation
Once you’re not obsessed with yourself, you’re ready to start concentration-based meditation. The basic construct here is that you’re training your mind to go from scattered to one pointed by concentrating on an object external to your mind, be it your breath, a mantra, an image, or a deity. Within six months times of practicing concentration based meditation, you should see a tangible difference in your performance in the world. In my case, I was suddenly able to calculate numbers faster than before among other things so I knew my focus and attention was improving (Detailed concentration-based meditation instructions here).
Insight Based Meditation or Mindfulness Meditation
With a one pointed mind, you become mindful of reality as it is—the constant, helpless arising and passing away of thoughts. Anger arises, then disappears. Lust arises, then disappears. Happiness arises, then disappears. Now, when I sit down and meditate, here is what happens: A stray thought arises: “I want my book to be a bestseller”, I make a mental note. The thought goes away. Then, “I should take up that job”, noted, gone, “Jason shouldn’t have said that”, noted, gone, “Leela’s cough medicine is in my coat”, noted, gone. You’re just aware, observing this constant arising and passing of thoughts without judgment, without getting sucked into them and reacting to them, an understanding that slowly creeps into every phase of your life. (Detailed insight-based meditation instructions here).
Enlightenment
Months, years, perhaps lifetimes of insight meditation later, a deep, visceral realization arises that all that exists is the arising and passing of thoughts. There’s no permanent self at all. Just selfless phenomena—happiness, anger, love, sorrow, desire, lust, everything you experience is passing phenomena. Your sense of static self, the “I”, the experiencer, dissolves, so that there’s no difference between the observer and the observed. Everything is just one _____.
Fill in the blank with God, Brahman, Shunyata, nothingness, Purusha, Tao, consciousness, energy, awareness, whatever your mystical tradition says. They’re all fingers pointing to the same moon though I like Nagarjuna’s definition the best since it acknowledges the un-acknowledgeable nature of the ultimate reality: “it both exists and does not exist; it neither exists nor doesn’t exist
I meditate. Why am I still not happy?
Have you truly internalized these two realities of the human experience?
- Impermanence: Every thought, every emotion, every experience that arises will pass. Are you still trying to hold on to the pleasant ones?
- Incompleteness: The relative pre-enlightenment reality we’re living in will always be incomplete. Are you falsely assuming a baby, a new friend, a job, or a bestselling book will complete you?
Without acceptance of the limitations of the human experience, you’ll keep chasing the infinite in a finite world rather than looking for completeness within. That’s why most self-help books fail. No gratitude diary and affirmation practice can mask the truth of our incompleteness. Nor should they because a thoughtful inquiry about happiness starts from accepting that discontent.
In summary, what is the purpose of life?
Evolution, then involution. Be in each phase completely. Push the boundaries of experience in the growth phase. Turn inward and experience deep silence when going within. Meditating is your companion in both stages. Will you join me in maintaining a steady practice in 2016?

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41 Responses to “Mindfulness meditation for your exact life stage”
Of all articles, specifically for me, this was the most useful article. I was struggling through this phase where somehow an idea had creeped into me that being spiritual seeker we cannot enjoy the material world. This article gave me a lot of perspective about phases. Thank you so much for your informative articles on Meditation.
Excellent Roshan, I’m glad I could help in the journey!
I know everything and understand more than written here as taught to me by my gurus but still in current phase of life, i was lost since few months trying to do it everyday. But god n guru guides each day and bring before you what they want in some or other form… Your article changed something in my mind.. I am thankful to you..
Thanks Manish, keep sharing your journey with me–we’re seekers on the same path.
Karan, thanks for this insightful article. The article very beautifully simplifies some of the key terms / jargons used in almost all the writeups associated with meditation. An excellent start-up kit!!
Amit thanks man, that was the intention. Glad it worked. Thanks for sharing!
In my limited understanding and experience pre conceived notions about meditations and the likes does not help if one truly seeks . Trust your own experience to guide you through the maze. The more intense is your seeking the more vibrant a life _/\_
Indeed, well said.
Karan,
May you have happiness and the causes of happiness. May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May you never be apart from the sublime bliss that is free from suffering. May you remain in a state of equanimity, free from attachment and aversion to those near and far.
Love this prayer, man. Thanks.
Dear Karan, The posting was excellent. Actually it has answered some unanswered and unasked questions. But i still have a question, can mediation has any role to change destiny. And if ‘destiny’ is prevailing then change of destiny is impossible. Say for an example, why my son is born in my family only ? what is that which controls it. And if it is being controlled then destiny is prevailing and if destiny is prevailing then what is use to make effort to change it.
Amit, great question, man. I’ll write a post on karma in detail–it’s an interesting and complicated question which I’ve wrestled with and understood a little of.
Karan,
you are doing great work by sharing your experiences with us.. and creating positive vibes for everybody..
i too meditate but i m unable to make it a habit.. infact i have made my life so lethargic that everything of mine is unmanaged.. i have lost control of it..
so what practice of meditation should i do? so that slowly but steadily i get control over it
Thanks Praveen. Concentration is the way to go at this stage!
I eagerly wait for your blogs on meditation.
This is most insightful article I’ve ever read on meditation. You make it sound so practical and doable Karan. I feel I’m in both stages. Some days I feel like in the evolution stage and on some I feel the involution. How do I discover which is of more intensity?
Any suggestions?
Gayatri
Gayatri, thanks for always being engaged! I’m the same–think the “involution” practices will feel more organic. But that’s just my guess based on the shifts that happened in me.
I really appreciate your written blogs, Karan. Do you also offer the spoken instructions (concentration base mediation) is written form. I’m afraid that I lose a lot when in a video.
Thank you Beryl! Does this help? http://www.karanbajaj.com/yoga-meditation/how-to-finally-start-meditation-in-2016-a-complete-guide/
Hi Karan,
as usual you share your thoughts with integrity. This whole thing is based on a foundation of morality. how true… yet we miss this element most of the time…some times ( like in my case ) not sounding corny ! the creator seems to be always answering my queries. How ? i end up getting the answers for my queries in the public domain. some how , somebody know whats running in mind. This coincidence seems to be happening in a regular frequency. any how i want to stop analyzing and start meditating ….
Thank You
Interesting man, looks like you’re shedding layers of superfluousness from life. Good for you!
Thank You! I was confused about what is meditation. Lot times I try to do it. But more I try to do it the more I am not sure what exactly I was doing, as I do not know what I am doing. This article helped me to understand theory and approach too.
Very glad to hear that Kiran! Thank you for sharing.
Dear Karan Sir,
It’s truly heartening to read your articles about meditation and going through your videos. I am glad that I subscribed for your emails by which I was able to get access to the right techniques for meditation.
Sir, through this mail, I would like to express some of my doubts and problems while meditating, and I am sure I will receive the right answers.
I started meditation after I read Paramhansa Yogananda’s books, and honestly speaking, meditation gives me the joy and relaxation which has no substitute. So my doubts are:
1. In your video about Concentration based Meditation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i52P6GYHdo ), you talk about choosing an image, to visualise an image from the heart if we consider ourselves emotional. When I do that, my heartbeat becomes faster, and then I lose focus and so meditation gets stopped.
Please recommend a solution for this.
2. As I meditate by sitting in a crossed-leg position, after meditating for around 10-12 minutes, my legs fall asleep and I feel a lot of sensations in the legs. It distracts my concentration and thus, I am not able to meditate continuously for 30 minutes.
Please advise a remedy for this.
3. Sir, the following doubt is a bit weird but honestly I need an answer for this.
I have read that after feeling calm through meditation, we can focus on our problems or goals during meditation and establish a mindset for this. Sir, you teach to focus on a mantra, or an image or our breathe for 30 minutes. But my doubt is when shall I plan for my goals and problems?
Personally, I am facing a lot of financial challenges, and I wish to get over it asap. After starting to do meditation, I am confident that this is the path I was seeking to get a healthy and stress-free mind which will help me in achieving financial prosperity. Please guide me about this.
A brief intro about me:
I am currently a student of MBA, which will get over in March 2016. By god’s grace, my parents’ blessings and by hardwork, I was able to get a good campus placement in a reputed company. I love reading newspapers, watching movies and playing cricket. I have represented my school, college and district in various cricket tournaments.
Lookimg for a prompt reply Sir.
Atanu, all excellent questions. 1.) Try the third eye(place between your eyes)? 2.) Legs uncrossed is totally fine, just sit with your spine erect for alertness. 3.) Need full context for this but you’re on the right path! Good luck.
Hello Karan,
I meditate very well. I concentrate very well. I can complete any required task I focus on very well. At least I feel so. But I have a bit problem handling toxic people. I get hurt easily and sometimes loose it. My husband thinks my meditation is a waste if I cannot manage this area of my life. In rest of the matters he thinks I am just perfect. At times I too really wonder if I am cheating on myself by falsley believing that I am meditating. Apart from this meditation has given me some out of the world experiences for which he thinks of as some mental disorder. At times I too start believing that I am not normal. But my experience s were very real. What should I do? Whom should I ask? Don’t know whether meditation is good for me or not.
This article has been useful. I am really stuck in quite a lot of places. A book to complete, a job to get etc. My mind is soaked with dilemmas and confusion. Everywhere I look, I find only negative people with their negativity that’s hampering me. This article has changed the perspective of mine. Meditation is slowly helping me , for self control and gain insight. Thank you for the article. I know I am slow, but I know one day I will reach my destination.
-Amy
Super, I’m so glad this was helpful, Amy!
One of the most succinct and accessible descriptions of meditation that I have read. Will help many people.
Thank you Wendy.
Wow that was really good.
I am often disappointed in articles only skimming the surface but this really covered many angles.
I approach it a lot more in the Mouni Sadhu approach or Hermetic method so the gateway is concentration but really like the various explanation you have given.
Can I ask regarding the subconscious? Do you address this directly or let it be subtly affected by conscious practice?
Thanks for a great article.
Simon
PS: I look at Mindfulness from the Hermetic Perspective towards the end of this article. http://www.dawnoftruth.com/meditation-techniques-exercises/
Hi,
Thanks for the detailed article. Can you state what is the difference between enlightenment and kundalini awakening. Thanks
Ana, “Kundalini awakening” as a phenomenon is both a metaphorical and a physical phenomena. As a metaphorical concept, it’s the point in the seeker’s journey when h/she has a first conscious glimpse of enlightenment(as opposed to say, satori, which is an unconscious flash). Now h/she can see the peak of the mountain versus relying on other’s testimony but the mountain is still to be climbed, so as to speak.
Hello Karan,
As again it was a pleasure to read from you. You have put much knowledge and insight into it. Thanks for sharing. I am a seeker too. Right now I completed my MBBS and am doing my internship and late at nights thoughts come up regarding what I am going to specialise in and if I will be of some service to people around me. At such moments, your words always help.
Cheers.
Excellent! Now I know who to visit when I’m in a scrape in India next
Really very true article,
Hi Karan. Very useful post indeed. I especially liked how you presented the evolution of spiritual practice (in a form of pyramid – I wish I had thought of this
), with enlightenment, as the crown of all spiritual practices, at the top.
Your description of Evolution and Involution is so apt. There is a spring motion as we move to initial awakening and then all external markers are left behind. So true.
Karan , I am at a stage where I just don’t feel like reciting shlokas, saying mantras, getting up early in the morning and doing sadhana, lighting lamps. I want to just think of the holy foot prints of my guru sthan [ my shraddha place]. Varios people have advised me various sadhanas but i find that i do not do them properly,my life has not moved an inch and there is no motivation anymore. I say the stotras mechabically and lazily and often doze off while saying them. But i want to hold on to the source, the infinite power and not give up so i think of the footprints and i find my eyes shutting and a feeling of wanting to surrender. Then I think that if i had cancer I would not think of god but only about getting better so all this feeling that i have longing is false , i am selfish and have no hope.What should I do. I cannot do ritualistic sadhana anymore.
“Without acceptance of the limitations of the human experience, you’ll keep chasing the infinite in a finite world rather than looking for completeness within. That’s why most self-help books fail. No gratitude diary and affirmation practice can mask the truth of our incompleteness. Nor should they because a thoughtful inquiry about happiness starts from accepting that discontent”
Powerful, concise, insightful. I’ve just discovered your blog, but really enjoyed this!
Your post, “how to fail at almost everything and still keep going,” isn’t accessible. Or you pulled it out realizing you shared too much?
After reading almost all, to be honest, most of your posts I realized your honesty comes out of your humility “Shun Knowing—know nothing—Life is a zig zag line.”
To talk about failing and moving on, it takes courage to talk about one’s personal failures. Mostly for the fear of being judged no one shares. You have been true to your word—let’s keep each other honest, but honestly I don’t have the courage to share mine, at least, not as yet.
All I can say about FAILURE is that it brings our attention to the crying of our souls for the infinite in a finite world (your words). It did this to me too; it made me wonder, even doubt about our control or hold on our lives.
Answer to “Are there popular styles I have missed?” from your post—Which yoga style is right for you.
In 2009 I stumbled upon the greatest teaching accessible to man—I joined Brahmavidya (Science of Mental Physics) class. All my “why’s” and “how’s” were answered here, only the most difficult part – living what you learn—is what I am still working on. Brahmavidya is an ancient system of Spiritual Practice; it originated in India (Nalanda University-Guru Padmasambhava), then migrated to Tibet and has now come back to us from Tibet via California. Please check The Institute of Mental Physics for more about how the knowledge reached California from Tibet and see Brahmavidya.net to know how fortunately for us with sincere efforts it has been brought back to India.
Since you are in Mumbai you just must check out BRAHMAVIDYA.
Nice post and very useful information!Thank you for sharing.